Music Cures a Sorrow Filled Heart...

I feel it's time to talk about music. Music has played such an integral part of my life since 6th grade. The Christmas before my 12th birthday, I got 2 tapes from my brothers Dave & Doug. They were Midnight Oil Blue Sky Mining & The Fixx Walkabout. These have come to define me as a person. This was when people started dividing lines. At Bear River Middle School, it seems it was a lot worse than most place. (I don't know this for sure.) I got looped in with the outsiders. I was called KJQueer a lot because I listened to Alternative music. It sucked at the time. Looking back, I thank Mandee Williams for making me who I am. (But she can still rot in hell.) I learned about The Cure, Depeche Mode, INXS & many others. Grunge came around, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots. (I laugh seeing flannel popular again. Been there; done that.) Bands like Bad Religion & The Descendents, though I didn't know there name at the time, got me through some rough spots, Recipe for Hate & Somery

I was on the verge of my 10th grade year, summer of '94. That was the year Green Day Dookie & The Offspring Smash hit it. I was lucky enough to attend my first concert. R-A-M-O-N-E-S, RAMONES! (Thanks to my other bro Spencer for working for me. Otherwise this wouldn't have happened.) I was blown away. I was hooked. I wanted to learn & hear everything. Ask Dave & Doug, I was obsessed. I was lucky enough to share this with Dave, Doug, Rich, & Sharon. I can still see Blitzkrieg Bop in my head. First thing I needed was a leather jacket. That would make me punk rock. I didn't get that some 7 years later to go with the Ramones doo I was sporting. I've been lucky to see some amazing concerts or shows, I call them, in my lifetime. Most with Dave or Doug or both. Let's see... Decomposers, Surly, Tarn, Wormdrive, The Protocol, The Horns, Hot Rocks, Blackhole, Lunchbox, Chubby Amigos, Throwaway Generation (Find the Tomorrow's Too Late album & look for my name.) , Lunachicks, Diesel Boy, Strung Out, Bad Religion (Getting scolded for going to this one. Bernice was not happy.) The Donnas, Supersuckers, The Get Up Kids, Murder City Devils, Rocket from the Crypt (If you truly wanna see me happy, let me listen to RFTC.), Electric Frankenstein, The Dictators, The Real Kids, Syl Sylvain, The Night Marchers, The Ettes, Groovie Ghoulies, One Man Army, Zeke, REO Speedealer, Hot Water Music, Sunny Day Real Estate, Flogging Molly, The Pipettes, & many, many,many,many,many,many,many more. Ask me; I'll scene drop.

That same school year, I started to go to SLC a lot. AND I mean A LOT. There were 3 parts to going to SLC. Find a ride, ask Dave or Doug, & get Bernie to pick me up. I made it down once a month at least. The stars aligned quite a bit. I didn't have much money. I saved my lunch money Bernice would give me. I had enough to eat & hit the DIs. Usually, Dave or Doug, Chris & I would go to a couple of DIs after a breakfast at Kostas. They started collecting records. I was into finding the unusual hat. But eventually, I caught the bug. My first record was Twisted Sister & was purchased by Bernie in the old Logan DI. He bought most of my early collection. He, in fact, bought my copy of Ramones Rocket to Russia at the Ogden DI. I still collect to this day. I little less now, but look forward to the day where it will pick back up. I've now got approximately 1000 or so. I haven't counted in some time. The pic above is about 2/3s. Not pictured are the 45s (7"s) (I've 3-1/2 boxes full.), 10"s & about couple hundred LPs at the end of my bed.

The reason for the title of this blog... Music filled my heart & mind during my time of trouble. (You know what it is, if you know me.) My mind would race. Music settled both my heart & mind. Calmed them down to the point I could continue. I find myself thinking about how much music has meant to me. I've come to realize: MUSIC=LIFE. If I didn't have music, a BIG part of me will die.

There's a theme in this besides music. It's my brothers Dave & Doug

They, more than any one, have defined me as a person. I would not be who I am with out either of them. Music would not be engrained in me as it is. I love them dearly. I don't know what would've happened if they wouldn't have let me stay with them. Sadly, I do know, but I won't say. I appreciate what it more than words can say. I love them so much.

November... Where are August, September, & October?

With last night being Halloween & the night of the annual HOWL at Utah State, I've looked back on the last few months.  If you would've told me I'd be a freshman, I probably would've laughed at you.  I mean, I've thought about attending for sometime now, but the older I got; the more stuff, i.e. bills, I accrued.  Meaning I need money, but circumstances beyond my control have led me.  I think a lot about why I'm at Utah State.  I remember that fateful day in August like it was hours ago.  I can't help but think about it.  That morning about 4am, I thought, "I'm gonna go earn my 'A' on my license plate.  For those who don't know what that is, in Utah, you can support your university with a license plate.  Utah State's happens to have an 'A' on it.  I've stuck to my guns with this decision.  I will say it's a challenge.  I enjoy learning the various things I'm taking, but everything that goes along with this is mind boggling.  I've had to learn to take notes again, listen to the professor, study really more than I'd like, read everything, & a BIGGIE socialize with others.  Most of you may not think so, but I'm terribly shy.  I can't go up people & talk to them especially girls.  If you asked Bernice, I've been this way my whole life.  I will say I'm getting better at it.  If someone engages me, I'll talk back instead of giving them some body language & walking off.  Plus, imagine being 30 in a class of 18, 19, & 20 year olds.  The only thing in common is the fact we're freshmen.  I've got bigger problems than why Johnny didn't call me back.  Like, where I'm gonna pull my car payment out of.  I've made a few friends along the way.  Don't get me wrong, there are like minded people where ever you go.  I've involved myself with a few things as well.  I find myself in the Women Resource Center/ Veterans Resource Center/ Re-Entry Student Center.  There, I find some good people.  I've also met many just "loitering".  I am part of one group.  It's the Student Advisory Board (SAB).  I'm the Re-Entry Student rep.  Meeting once a month to discuss issues across campus among many different & diverse groups, clubs & people.  I met & on terms with the Student Body President & I've had breakfast at President & Mrs. Albrecht's home.  How many freshman can say that?  One that I know.  I've also met one other friend through SAB or at least she recognizes me on campus.  It's sometimes hard to be on campus.  I'd say I feel lost as person up there.  I don't know if that's cause I'm shy or older or whatever.  But this girl has gone out of her way to at least say Hi to me when we pass each other to & from class.  She usually initiates it.  Remember what I said above.  It's really that simple.  That little interaction makes the difference to me.  She may never know.  Someday, I'd like to tell her.  (Guess I'll have to grow a pair to get to that point.)  Education & Social Skills are 1a & 1b as far as I'm concerned.  I know what it is & probably the most important if you know me.  I absolutely love being on campus.  Last, week it was snowing some pretty big flakes.  I decided I was going to walk around in it  I put my iPod in & started listening to American English by Idlewild staring up into it all.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joB0tlOjKcU)  I had to hold back tears.  That's just one case.  It happens all the time.  Like today at the soccer game.  I don't know what hit me, but I was struggling to hide the lump in my throat.  Utah State offers me so much.  I've made it a goal to do things on campus.  I've been to Science Unwrapped, multiple lectures on varying topics, soccer, volleyball, tennis, Chorale Concert, Art Shows, football, basketball, museums, Homecoming Dance, HOWL, concerts, etc.  Going to school has made me the happiest I've been in a long time.  It's enabled me to leave things on pause & focus differently for 4 years.  It WILL be one of the HARDEST things I do.  EVER!  But I'm gonna enjoy every second.