So... I've got a plan... Stan!

Before I reveal the decisions I've come to, I'd like to thank my support system.

My Parents, Bernie or Bernice:  I didn't know what it was going to be like when they came home.  I spent most of my 4th of July holiday with them.  If I didn't say it was awkward, I'd be lying.  I'm really very introverted & shy even round my family.  That's how it was then.  I don't think I strung two sentences together.  But to realize on Sunday morning they were 2 hours away in Sandy not a 6 hour flight over a large body of water.  It was good to get that hug I needed so dearly after 6-1/2 years of wrapping my arms around me pretending.

My friend Mandilyn & her little family.  For being the first person I called after the blow.  I couldn't go home; it was Jason's birthday.  I couldn't come that second & be Debbie Downer.  She's not the first person that came to mind, but I knew she just let me be.  To her son, Vincent, who cracks me up incessantly over & over.  His innocent joy & happiness riding the rides at the fair.  His quoting of his lizard & snake movie he watches all day everyday, or him over hearing telling me tell his Mom about Bernie & Bernice coming up.  Now, you ask him who my parents are, he says Bernie & Bernice.

Jason for being so understanding.  His calmness ; it seriously is a gift I wish I had.  Aaron's vigor & zeal to take my decision & help me run with it.  And everyone else I've talked, texted, IMed, emailed, spacebooked...

I need to mention music.  For the last week I haven't want to be alone with my head.  If it wasn't for music, I'd have gone crazy.  I've had to have something to distract me all the time.  It's my lullaby at night  I'll sleep an hour & wake up thinking it's been 8.  I've had to turn the computer back on & put something on.  As John Cusack says, "I just want something I can ignore." That statement never seemed so true.  So, thank you to my itunes library.  If you want to see them,  http://www.last.fm/user/Shy_Boy.  Not forgetting my records as they wage an offensive battle with my room.  They're winning.

So...  Here's the big decision...  

I'm 80% sure I'm going to school up at The Utah State University.  I had this pop into my head last Friday & confirmed to me on Monday when I walked around campus & visiting with Aaron.  Now, it's 80% because I'm waiting on BRHS to get my transcripts to admissions.  Coming out of high school or even while in high school, I was never asked if I wanted to go to college.  BRHS wanted to get me in & out of there so fast.  No time to dawdle.  I was an after thought.  A few teachers helped me through those days, especially senior year: Ms. Mazaros, Madame Park, & Coach Park.  It's always been in the back of my mind.  A lot more lately knowing something was coming at work.  I would sit at my desk & think about what I'd do if something happened, & this would be the first thing to pop up.  So here I am, an incoming 30 year old Freshman.  I'm scarred shitless.  I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.  But excited beyond compare to get going.  I'm going to worry about a job after school has started, & I know my schedule.

I want everyone to know I'm not bitter that everything transpired this last week or so.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Yes, it's the biggest obstacle I've had to deal, but look where it led me.

I'm going to better myself so this sure as hell won't happen again.

Insomnia...

So, I can't sleep.  I'm not sure if it's stress from the past week, the thoughts in my head, the searing pain between the shoulder blades, my f---ing mattress poking me in the back, or all four.  I'm thinking all of the above.  And yes, I know I need a new bed.  I've talked about it for some time now.

Finally...

I yelled myself hoarse for this the last time I saw these lovely ladies.   Thanks Donnas.  You still make my heart go pitter patter all these years.

This good too...

The Last Few Days...

I've got a lot of things running through my head lately. I'm sorry.  I've got to get these things out before I go crazy.  Here are a few things...

(Wanted "Going Crazy" by The Marked Men  This will work in it's stead...  "Fix My Brain")

Friday...  After the initial shock wore off, I fell asleep at 5:00 am.  Now, I don't know if it was the shock, the Dr. Pepper, or both.  I arose to face the day at 8:00ish.  Went through emails, responded to a few, showered, & got ready.  I left the house around 10:30.  I hadn't eaten since the afternoon before with Mandilyn.  I was/ am surving on Dr. Pepper.  I decided to eat at the Bluebird.  (I wanted to beat the rush before Sunday's Douche Bag gathering.  See Facebook for this one...)  I needed some comfort & some alone time.  Now, if you've been to the Bluebird, it's fallen on some hard times.  It might be one of the cool-est places in Logan, but the owner has let it go to shit.  Anyway, I ate & went to meet Mandilyn at the Cache County Fair.  I had a blast.  Just hanging with her & her two kids, Vincent & Avonlea (I hope that's right.)  Vin was loving the rides.  He was getting a kick out of them, but he loves the hydraulics of it all.  He hearts to face the apparatus & watch.  (Him to the right.)  His chicken also won a Blue Ribbon.  It was his kind of day.  I was with them up to about 3:00pm.  I came home & check a few things on the internet, emails mostly, but also Fantasy.  Jason asked if I wanted to see G.I. Joe.  Off we went.  It was okay.  I don't have Trasformers 2 to compare it to as being the worst thing ever, but I didn't hate it.  That's not to say I'll see it again.  NO WAY!  Go if you must, but there are holes everywhere.  After, Jason had heard we had some friends from Aaron in town from Colorado.They wanted to eat a Callaway's.  I said sure.  I've wanted to go there for awhile now.  It's in Smithfield about 5-7 miles North.  I really liked it, but our waitress was weird.  (That's the nice way to put it.)  She asked what I wanted to drink, "I said Dr. Pepper & keep 'em coming."  She did do that.  Afterwards, I raced to Why Sound (Newish venue here in town.  Can't say they'll ever get anybody of importance, but it's nice to have a place for local musicians to play.) to see The Castanettes play.  A local band from the greater Tremonton area.  I've known Chris through his brothers, Charles & Steven.  Family friends, for me, since the Summer of 1990.  I missed them, but I was able to snag their new CD.  It's really good.  It was even recorded & mixed by Steven.  That really is the end of Friday.

Saturday...  I talked to my friend Kiersten  (We go way go way back.  I've known her since 10th grade.  I always wanted to find a way to talk to her before then, but to no avail.  She moved to Tremonton in the 8th grade from SoCal.  We officailly met on our way to an assembly with Rikki (Ugh!)  We ended up sitting randomly next to each other.  I think I made a snide comment about something, & she laughed.  Friends since then.  One of the very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very few I still talked to from High School.  (Certain people excluded because I technically didn't talk to them till after high school.) ) the night before, & she offered to buy my ticket to the Warped Tour.  I told her I'd have to see how I sleep.  Well, I felt pretty good after waking on Saturday morning.  I decided to go.  Thursday morning I watched the Bad Religion DVD, Live at the Palladium.  (Best live DVD out there.  It's like I'm there, & they play all the hits.)  So, I was excited to see them play.  We get there, & I find out BR doesn't play till 8:15 pm.  It's 1:00ish at this point.  If you've ever gone to Warped Tour.  It's bloody hot, & you have to deal with

 all the idiots.  This year wasn't bad heat wise.  Although, I got a sun burn that makes me look like Two Face.  I'm pretty burnt on the left side of my face & normal on the right.  (As much I want to be Batman, I'll take Two Face.  At least I had Maggie Gillenhaul.  Right?)  We walk around for awhile.  The group (Some of Kiersten's friends came with us.) decide to go see The Architects.  Before, that I should mention I got Arturo Vega to sign a Ramones shirt for me.  Please wiki this & you'll know why this was important to me.  I really enjoyed to The Architects.  I even bought a CD.  I wish I'd run into them out & about.  Next, we saw Tat.  I seperated from the group; I wanted to take in everything.  See who was here & where it was.  I hear a girl singing.  My ears perk.  I look around & see Tat.  (Crappy name I know, but I think it's short for the singers name Tatiana.)  Now, girl singers/ girl groups are my love.  I don't know if it stems from being a lonely guy idolizing them, I guess.  Man, she was hot.  She got white hot (80's term) when I heard her talk.  Oh, that lovely British accent.  Man, oh man.  I snagged a CD during the second song from the bloke walking around with a box of them.  It's really good.  It'll take a few listens.  Think Joan Jett.  Speaking of Joan, they're making a Runaways movie.  They got Bella (I don't know her real name.) to play her when they could've got this lovely bird.  (Who's gonna play Lita?  I hope it's Ashley Tisdale! Serious.)  Now, I'm starting to ache at this point.  Not to mention the hip.  (It's another story.  Ask if you want to hear it.)  I'm no spring chicken as most of you know.  I had to sit & rest up.  Some of us went to a bowery to rest up.  Mostly for my sake.  While sitting there, I randomly run into a friend from Logan, I haven't seen in some time.  Chip Bullen.  Chip & I go way back.  One of first few I met when I moved over.  Actually, I probably met him before.  He knew my brothers from their Logan days.  We caught up while listening to Shad.  A hip hop artist from Canada.  Good.  I went over with Chip & co. for NOFX & Bouncing Souls.  NOFX played the Punk in  Drublic Album.  Which was good(?) for me because that's the only album I know.  It's all that really needs to be said about them.  Bouncing Souls was good to see.  I've known of them since '94, I think.  When they had Thanksgiving Dinner at 27 Punk Street.  They were touring on Good, the Bad, & the Argyle.  Now, look at them.  Now, we wait.  It's now 7:00ish.  I've got to sit through 3OH!3.  Why are these guys popular?  Now, it's finally here.  Bad Religion is up.  I got chills when they played Recipe for Hate.  

This is one of the songs that hooked me in 7th grade.  I can remember saving my lunch money for a month to see them in 11th grade.  Changed my life.  I bought a t-shirt & it mysteriously disappeared when it went through the wash the first time.  (Bernice?)  Great time.  They said they'd be back next year.  I'll believe when I see it.  I wish they'd played...

That's Saturday.

Sunday...  I woke up realizing my parents are 2 hours away not a 6 hour flight.  I showered & hopped in the car.  I stopped along the way at Target to use a gift card I got from work two years ago.  Used it up.  Went to Bernie & Bernice's in Sandy.  They were eating lunch.  Both were pretty excited to see me.  I ate lunch, & we talked.  I told them my plans.  They were very supportive of it.  (What's this you may ask?  You'll know when it happens.  Trust me.)  I left at 4:00 & meandered my way to Doug & Niki's new house in Mill Creek. Very nice.  I was worried upon initially seeing it in July, but very surprised by the it all.  Left there at 6:00 to see the Zombies.  Zombies, you ask?

My buddy Chris (I've known him 15 years now.) posted a link on Spacebook about it.  People are encouraged to dress up like Zomies & walk down 5th South in SLC.  AWESOME!  Also, saw a few friends I haven't seen in ages...  G & Julie.  I was just thinking about her the other day.  Good to see here after so long.

That's it really.  I'm sorry for the length.  I told you previously; I write novels.  Just look, I took up half your work day.  I'm sorry for the size of the photos too.  I took them with my phone. The battery had worn down on the Coolpix.

I'm Off/On the Wagon... (Depending on how you wanna look at it.)

I've been driven back to the elixir of life (As Bernie says).  I've had one 44 oz fountain, & I'm working on a second as we speak.  I don't think I've been this caffeinated for about 10 years or so.  Yes, 10 years without any caffeine.  I know you're asking yourself, "How did/can he survive without it?"  I just did.  I made it a goal, & it stuck.  This year, I cut out carbonation.  Well, not any more. It tastes amazing.  That first sip was breathtaking.  It still is.  

Now, you're asking yourself another question, "What broke the camels back?"

Today around 10:40 am, I was laid off from my job.  Most the office staff got it.  We were on furlough in July.  Most didn't know that.  I had to take 5 days off before the end.  If I said, I didn't see it coming; I'd be lying.  I just thought it wouldn't be me...  yet, as stupid as that sounds.  I thought they needed someone to keep components coming in to finish projects.  I guess not.

A few things...

• I can remember the email I got from Russ that fateful December day.  I can remember writing the address down on a post-it.  (I still have it.  Sentimental bastard...)  I can remember the drive to meet with him.  I can remember walking in & asking for him.  (Ken was at his desk & pointed me in the right direction.)  I can remember the nickel tour.  I can remember him asking if I wanted to leave Icon.  DUH!  (I was hoping on that fateful drive this would happen, but I didn't want to jinx it.)  I can remember being nervous & excited about it.  The day I gave my 2 weeks to Roger.  Feeling so nervous; I'd never done that.  Him understanding.  Being so happy.  I WAS OUT.  Going to California to visit my dear friends & my Uncle Walt for 28 on 28.  Not being sad to leave California for once.  My first day...  My first week...  My second week...  Getting yelled at...  The aluminum flying...  The ensuing 2 years, 8 months, 4 days, 2 hours & 40 minutes...

• The fun we had.  I'll never forget some of the people I met, all friends.  I hope to keep in touch with most of them; time will tell.  Getting the band back together with Russ.  Joel, for helping me learn a lot those first few days, weeks, months, & years.  Plus, breakfast on Christmas Morning, twice, when I really didn't have anywhere to go.  I'll never ever forget those.  Andy, sleeping in your corner.  Scott, friend I never had in high school.  (Could've been a friend.  Me, class of '97; Scott, class of '98.  KAB!)  Brent, your unfailing positive attitude.  Go Aggies!  John, for teaching me how to be a dick.  (Yes, that's right.  Sometimes you just gotta be one.)  And your even keel.  Seantae, your bulldog approach to your job.  I wish only I had that in my DNA.  I'd be a lot farther in life.  These are the people I saw & worked with daily.  Shop guys...  a tip of the cap to you.  You all are unbelievable  craftsmen & awe-inspiring at what you do.  I wish you all the best. I'm better for knowing everyone.  Cheers...

I'm ok with it all now.  I'm sad, excited, nervous, & tired.  I'm tired but not tired, & it's not the caffeine.  (If you know what I'm saying.)  The next few month will tell what I'll do, or where I end up.  Lots of things a running amuck in my head.  One thing, I KNOW I WILL LAND ON MY FEET THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE!!!  Keep tuned in to see what happens, but it ain't happening till Monday.

ps...  I had to write this for my sanity.  Being the depressed person that I am, I had to get these thoughts out.

pps...  A big thank you to Mandilyn for letting me just "be" at her house.  I couldn't be alone with myself after initial bomb.

ppps...  John Hughes, you made some damn amazing (Yes, I know.  I've said it a lot.) iconic movies.  They sure as hell don't make them like you did.  RIP

pppps...  Sorry for the novel.  If you need to walk away & come back, I understand.

the Week That Was...

Nothing too exciting happened to me this week.  I just thought I'd try a little more to hit this for those I don't see all that often.

Let's see...  I finished another book.  It's called Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner.  If you've ever had embarrassingly funny moments in your life, especially in high school (As I have...), I highly recommend this book.  It's about a boy, Shakespeare Shapiro, going into his senior year in high school having done none of the things most kids his age  (Even his little brother) have done.  (I'm with him on a few myself at 30 years.)  During his final year, he has to write a senior memoir.  He takes all the funny & embarrassing stories in his life & turns this in to his memoir.  With chapter titles such as...  The  Time I Got Caught with a Pornographic Magazine in Math Class or  The Time My Mother Used Emotional Blackmail to Deprive Me of the Only Thing I Ever Wanted...  I laughed out loud during most of these nuggets.  I haven't laughed out loud for something so funny since Spud & Spud...  The Adventure Continues.  Mr Wizner's stories within the story, but also, the story as a whole, make this an enjoyable read from start to finish.

Another thing,  I ran into a picture on a fave bands myspace... 

 

www.myspace.com/thenightmarchers  (Copy & paste the link...)

It's a picture of one of the most famous Aggies in history. (Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, who knows...)  Let me know if you can figure it out.  Also, I saw they are coming with Modest Mouse.  That's got me all giddy like a school girl.  (You can see earlier posts on these men.)  I'm ready to see some rock 'n' roll that will knock my socks off.  Stay for a song or two...  It'll cure your RnR Heart.

WOW! Almost 6 Months...

I haven't done this in awhile.  I really don't have much to report.  

Rumors are true.  Bernie & Bernice are home for good.  They're living in Sandy.  Yes, Sandy.  I'll have to go to In & Out & make a visit.  Not 'til then.  J/K.

I've seen friends from California in both May & July.  Good to see them & their little families.  I appreciate them coming & visiting with me.  Though, it may only be for a night or so.

Let's see...  I've read a few books.  I would recommend 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher.  Really good.  It'll give you a feel for the state I'm in lately...

Musically...

Lots of Girls & Pop...  Nothing's changed.  Nikki Corvette is amazing.  Sticks in your head & never wants to leave.  My fave...  Discovered The Shivvers on Last.fm...  Again, sticks in my head...

Off to read...